Deep Thoughts

I started this post a month ago and then forgot about it, but I felt like it would be good to finish it today.

I am sometimes afraid to tell people that I play video games, or any game for that matter. In my mind the public still views video games as childish and if I reveal my activities to them I will be diminished in their eyes. Some times even I see myself as a child, sitting cross legged on the floor gripping a controller. But the truth is I am a child. Foolish and naive, I am brand new over and over again. I am deaf to the hidden language of the adult world. I am helpless, dependent, always grasping to suckle from any and all passing source of nourishment. And I am blind, floating in utero, unborn, waiting for the promise of life.

Wow, that got heavy.

When I find myself questioning the value of games and my never ending obsession with them and whether or not I should be wasting my time on them, I have to also ask why not? Is there some better way to waste time? If my brain cells are occupied what does it matter the focus of their attention? Why do we have hobbies if not to pass the time between the necessary tasks of our life?

What I worry about is that I spend too much time on this one thing, rather than some other avocation. I could be reading the classics or cultivating wild honey bees. I could be spending more time balancing my checkbook or cleaning my home. I could be on Conney Island bird-dog'n chicks. I give myself a lot of grief for not having achieved more in my life, and I know that my dedication (or addiction) to gaming has taken thousands of hours away from other pursuits.

On the other hand if I abandoned gaming would that not be like abandoning part of myself? And shouldn't everyone have that one thing that they are "all about"? People are always saying how the world needs specialists more than it needs generalists. But does the world need a guy with a collection of old consoles, an in-depth knowledge of the Castlevania timeline, and a really strong thumbs? No one throws awards banquets for people with big gamerscores.

I'm 29 years old today... who am I and what the hell am I doing here? What are ANY of us doing here? Has anyone else noticed that this shit is crazy?